Thursday, June 3, 2010

I Found a Dead Fox

I found a dead fox

beside the gravel road,

curled inside the big

iron wheel

of an old tractor

that has been standing,

for years,

in the vines at the edge of the road.

I don't know

what happened to it-

when it came there

or why it lay down

for good, settling

its narrow chin

on the rusted rim

of the iron wheel

to look out

over the fields,

and that way died

But I know

this: its posture-

of looking,

to the last possible moment,

back into the world-

made me want

to sing something

joyous and tender

about foxes

But what happened is this-

when I began,

when I crawled in

through the honeysuckle

and lay down,

curling my long spine

inside the cold wheel,

and touched the dead fox,

and looked out

into the wide fields,

the fox


There was only myself

and the world,

and it was I who was leaving.

And what could I sing


Oh, beautiful world!

I just lay there

and looked at it.

And then it grew dark.

That day was done with...

My stomach flips when I imagine myself crawling like Mary beside a dead fox, for it is as if I too am dying and committing myself intentionally to oblivion. It's almost the same feeling I get with crossing a bridge - the water below calls to me, "Jump! Join life in death!" It is not so different than the stomach flutters of falling in love. I am but a drop and the ocean woos me.

What dead beings have you seen lately? How do you feel in your body when contemplating death?

1 comment:

  1. This morning I set out to clean out my bird feeder and refill it. As I went to sit in a chair next to it was a dead mole.I moved the chair over a bit and continued my task. I kept thinking about how it died. Was my hawk that I hadn't seen in at least a year back and dropped the mole by accident? Was that hole I saw going straight down into the slope really made by a snake who had killed the mole and slithered back into it's hole when I freightedned it by opening the door?
    Was the neighbor's cat who strolls across my back yard each morning the murderer? But cats take such trophies home to show to their owners.

    When contemplating death I feel all pain must leave my body first, so that I can feel like I am comfortably enveloped by a warmth derived from the universe or maybe the sun on the warm earth. Perhaps the warmth is from the energy of my children through which we exchange energy. Then they will begin their conscious jouney toward death, while I have completed mine. My remaining energy will then be used to explode and reform the tiny atoms of my molecules and DNA into pieces of the universe to be found in an infinint number of objects or life forms.