I thought the earth
remembered me...
...I slept
as never before, a stone
on the riverbed,...
...All night
I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling
with a luminous doom. by morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.
Having just watched portions of the WWII fantasy and violent film, Inglorious Basterds last night, I felt myself vanishing into something worse. This was a story of no redemption, of such a thorough interconnection to our angry and revengeful sides. It was as if the movie director and screen play writer imagined every deep and dark thing in their souls, and projected them onto the characters in the story. There was no escaping the reality of who we are.
If reality is interconnection, and if we are the world and in every breath we become the world with the intermix of water and air molecules exchanging in our lungs and then becoming cemented into our tissues, then we must also become worse and better with every breath.
We are the Nazi's, the nations going to war, and the singing forest creatures at night. Perhaps somehow after a night spent under the stars and moon, we can say "all things shining" because beauty is always with us. Where is the shining in the relentless doom that accompanies us? I am the mirror that reflects back all things shining, and I also hold up a broken mirror, shattered by despair. What does it mean to be human? Who are we? How are we to walk with beauty all around us, when our shadow sides stalk the a peaceful forest?
How do you deal with the violent, hurtful behavior of our kind?
How do I deal with it? At this stage of life I avoid it as much as possible. For example I would not go to that movie. I know it is there, but I leave it to the younger generation to actively attempt to do something about it. It drains me too much.
ReplyDeleteThe closest I come is to read about every accident or shooting in the newspaper. I always wonder what a DUI driver was trying to escape or gain by getting so drunk. I also read the reports of sentences given after trials. It gives me a little comfort knowing that person will not harm another again. But than what is jail time going to do to the criminal. Sometimes that doesn't seem just either. I've given up reading about the boys killed in the war. It makes me mad that only a number is reported with no names. To family number three is a real person with a name and a life that will be missed. We could at least show respect and use their name in honor of their dedication.
I see that you have a longing to mourn and to respect - criminals, soldiers, and your own well being. Do you find it hard to make choices that nourish yourself in a culture that moves too quickly for it's own appeasement?
ReplyDeleteSometimes. Being retired has helped.
ReplyDelete